Before I had a baby, I remember looking at other parents thinking “what the hell are they doing?”, acting as if I had a clue about how to parent and totally disillusioned as to how much control I had over a little being a quarter my size. Now that I’m a year into the act, here are a handful of things I swore I’d never do – and then realized that they aren’t taboos, they’re “to dos”, and the only way to stay sane as a (temporary) stay at home mom.
1. Let my baby crawl around the floor of a restaurant, airport or retail store. She gets antsy and I needed a new computer. We all knew it was coming.
2. Analyze feces. Approximately 3 times per day. I hate myself.
3. Answer the door with a whole lot of baby on boob. It happened, more than I care to admit. And I breastfed for a grand total of 3 months.
4. Willingly eat mushed rejects falling out of my child’s mouth. Why? Because there is no garbage around and in all of 2 seconds, she’ll be doing something else I have to deal with. I only have two hands, but if yours is free…?
5. Ooh and Aah over the fact that my child did something good for the 15th time in a row. My poor friends feel so guilty that they clap anyways. #friendsforlife
6. Grab a dead, dried up millipede out of my baby’s mouth as she happily chews away. In hindsight, this was a mistake. She could have used the extra protein.
7. Sat my child in front of the TV every morning and put Rio on repeat, praying that she’ll watch it for just 5 more minutes so I don’t have to acknowledge that my day has actually started. Solid parenting, right there. At this point I’m not sure if I put the movie on for her, or for me. Whatever the reason, we dance and it’s fun.
8. Plop my daughter at my feet when I go to the washroom. That’s gross enough right? No. Then she wants to climb the toilet and look inside. While I’m still on it. Try wiping with a toddler investigating your goods. Can I put that on my CV as a skill of some sort?
9. Give my baby multiple dinner options because she refuses to eat what I made the first time round. When my parents raised me, it was eat what’s in front of you or don’t eat at all! I’m not sure if that’s legal under the age of 3, but I’m sure tempted to find out.
10. Allow my child to launch her lunch all over the restaurant floor. It kept her quiet, and I got to eat. Case closed.
More to come, stay tuned!