You don’t know me, and by now you’ve forgotten that 4 hour plane ride to Cuba where you and your wife were planted directly in front of the woman with the baby. You remember, don’t you? The really tall one with a 16 month old hanging out on her lap. That would be me.
As a tall woman and frequent traveler, there is nothing I hate more than someone who lowers their seat on an airplane. I won’t do it. But if I have to, if I really have to, the first thing I do is turn around and make sure I’m not slamming into the person behind me, or at least warn them I’m coming. But, a tall woman and a baby? Never would I ever (like, ever). So, as I noticed your chair drop down immediately following take-off, every bone in my body wanted to turn around and give you a break down in airplane etiquette.
You poked the (mama) bear.
But, I didn’t. In fact, I barely flinched. Despite wanting to ram my fist into the backside of your balding head, I simply widened my knees and bit my tongue, holding my baby girl nice and tight, and dissuading her from pulling down on the headrest. You see, I’m not that kind of flyer. I am however vindictive as shit when pushed to the brink. And you shoved a little too hard.
While the way there was relatively uneventful, the trip back was made memorable for one reason and one reason only. You were a complete and utter jackass. Not only did you choose to put your seat back (again) immediately after the seat-belt light went off, but you casually ignored my knees stabbing into the back of your seat, signaling that long legs needs an extra bit of wiggle room, and subtly (okay, maybe not so subtly) pressuring you to put it the f*ck up. After continually bouncing up and down on your chair in an effort to shake me off (and annoy the living shit out of me), I finally moved my knees. But then, after two and a half hours of my daughter sleeping calmly in my lap, it was time to put our trays down and feed the little monkey.
What Kind of Travelers Are We?
When my husband politely asked that you put up your chair, not only did you complain about trying to get some sleep, adjusting your stupid-looking neck pillow in the process, you decided to make snap judgement about the type of “travelers” we are. What kind of travelers are we exactly? We’re the type of travelers who take a baby to New York at 3 months, Mexico at 4 months, Florida at 5 months, and England at 8 months, without EVER having someone complain about her behavior on-board. We’re the kind of travelers who nap her at our feet instead of the aisle, pace with her up and down the gangway so she won’t cry, and let butt-heads like you stick your bloody chairs halfway into my lap without complaining. You’re welcome.
So, next time you travel, instead of being an insensitive prick, try offering to help. Try playing with the baby. Try sharing your snack. Or simply try shutting the f*ck up.